5.Versluys'.us

Being laid up when I’m pregnant and have two little kids isn’t nearly as much fun as when I was in college. Back then when I was sick, I’d just send out emails to my professors, filled with nonsense about being heartbroken because I would miss the day’s exciting lecture and desperate to make up the classwork because it was so stimulating to read an extra 30 pages of a textbook. And then I’d turn over in bed and get back to reading a real book.

These days, I don’t have anyone who would care to read my butt-kissing emails, and I certainly don’t have many dogeared books lying around. The only people to whom I’m responsible over the course of a day are under the age of 4. And when you’re 17 months old, you really don’t give a hoot if Mama’s in pain – she’d better get off that couch and get you a pb&j at noon. If you’re 3 years old, you not only have that same sense of entitlement, but you have also figured out that Mama isn’t prowling the house like usual and thus you can get away with a lot more mischief than on her more mobile days.

I haven’t written much about this pregnancy and the physical side effects. Not only here on the blog, but also in my personal writing, details are scarce – I guess after 2 previously similarly painful and frustrating pregnancies, I just don’t want to put it down on paper to remind myself yet again how much my body doesn’t like being pregnant.

At the same time, I feel kind of strange writing about all the family activities here without mentioning the cloud that hovers over all of our doings. It’s not necessarily always a dark cloud, although at times it becomes frightfully stormy and overwhelming, but it’s a constant presence that doesn’t lift until after the baby is born.

I’ve recorded our fun trips to Northern California, Bakersfield, my parents’ house, and Mexico. I’ve shown goofy photos of my girls dressed to kill in princess outfits, and eating sand at the beach. We’ve had a great summer, and I’m glad I was able to capture most of the big events here.

What I haven’t mentioned is that I haven’t walked up Evergreen Street (2 blocks from our house) in weeks because it’s too steep and even one block of that street will give me hip pain for a week. I haven’t mentioned that while at Uncle Tim’s in Redding, I had to stay home from the lake and again from a zoo outing because of the insomnia that followed me through the entire vacation. I haven’t mentioned that in all our travels and fun excursions, we’ve had to watch carefully and plan ahead to avoid exacerbating my pain or weariness as much as possible because everyone in the family pays for it later.

I haven’t mentioned that Roma and Quincy haven’t been to the park with me in months, and the last time I took them to the grocery store I paid for it for days afterward.

I haven’t mentioned that Eric comes home every day to grumpy, cooped up kids who haven’t gone any farther than the four corners of our yard (they’re lucky if they make it off the porch most days). Every evening, he willingly loads them into the car or stroller and heads to the park or at least on a walk around the block, giving me a few minutes to sit still in a quiet house and giving the girls a desperately needed outlet.

I’ve tried yoga. I’ve tried physical therapy and the chiropractor. I’ve tried eating things and drinking things, or not eating and drinking things… the pains and insomnia just don’t go away. Just a note here – I am still doing yoga, PT exercises, seeing the chiropractor, and eating a healthy diet. It would be absurd to avoid doing things that are so good for me, even if I don’t see many results! From the moment the first wave of morning sickness hits at 4 weeks, I rarely have a break. Amazingly, my one break came during our Australia trip – it coincided with the fading of nausea, and I didn’t start having my hip/back pain and insomnia until a couple weeks later.

I feel guilty sometimes; even as I write this post I feel guilty, because I am overwhelmingly thankful that I can even have children, much less be blessed with three. I really shouldn’t ever complain! There’s nothing quite as amazing as being able to grow a human inside your body, and to hold a newborn after 9 months of carrying her around while she went from a few cells to 7+ pounds. I know a lot of people out there can’t have kids, don’t have healthy kids, or have a much more difficult time than I during pregnancy.

But sometimes, like today, it just seems almost dishonest to our family chronicle to avoid mentioning the reality of a pregnancy in the Versluys household. It involves a lot of pain, a lot of frustration, and a lot of sacrifice on the part of Eric and the girls. I would say that I’d like nothing more than to spare them 9 months of a pregnant me, but that’s not quite true – every pregnancy adds to our family, and thus every pregnancy is a blessing that just happens to challenge us more than we’d often like to be challenged. And every pregnancy thus far has been an exercise in faith and reliance on the only One who can keep us sane and functioning through the long nights and even longer days.

So as I count down to Nora’s birthday, hopefully sooner than September 25 (I still hang on to a little hope that she’ll be early – have to stay positive, you know!), I keep myself focused on the fact that when October rolls around, my biggest concern will hopefully be keeping myself awake at night long enough to change diapers! Ah, those are the best days – when I can sleep at the drop of a hat.

And when she finally shows up, make sure you give Eric a big handshake or hug because I’m not the only one who worked hard and put in long hours during this pregnancy.